i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
