And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
