Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
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It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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