the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
