we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
