i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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