i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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