Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
