Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
