Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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