I just saw a hot homeless man
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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