1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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