she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
