there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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