My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
