Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize