A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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