garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
