I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
