Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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