maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
