Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Randomize
