It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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