I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I want to fling myself into the sun
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
