I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
