East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
