High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Two words: blizzard sex
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
