Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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