The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
