Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
kristin has been a bad kristin
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
