He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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