party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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