you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it was like eating out sand paper
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
