Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
