hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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