I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
