Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
