once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
