Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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