she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
