walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How does it feel to date your dad?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
