Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
