it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
