I smell stomach acid.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
