Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize