He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My dick has a subreddit
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
