He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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