I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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