Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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