Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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