he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
