He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
