Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
