More tranny stories later!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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