dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
