We're facebook friends in real life
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
