she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
