I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
