that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
