So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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