we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think my moral compass just broke
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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