I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
