she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am one with the molecules
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
