when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
