Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
