He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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